How I Married Your Mother
by displacedtexan
Summary: Mrs. Irie is driving Dylan crazy. How will this impact Kotoko and Naoki? Part of Kotoko Volant universe, after Summer Idyll. FOLLOWUP STORY: Honeymoon in a Crowded Room.


**A/N: ...still don't own Itazura na Kiss...**

* * *

"Over here, Naoki-kun!" Dylan waved across the reception area.

Naoki crossed the carpet and sat beside him. "How much longer do you think she'll be?"

Dylan glanced at the clock. "She should be finished in a few minutes. They were going to record some last-minute lines of dialogue for the new game as well as the commercial voice-overs."

"It's just her voice right?" Naoki asked. "She's not being filmed wearing _That Costume_?"

The older man chuckled. "No, the commercial uses images from the game. She'll only wear the outfit when doing personal appearances."

"Is there any way I can convince you to keep those to a minimum?" He muttered, "That 'thing' really should not be worn in public."

"From the way Kotoko blushed when she returned it, you apparently appreciated it quite a bit in _private_."

Naoki felt the tips of his ears grow warm. "Was that your intention when you dropped her off right after the photo session?"

"She kept complaining how you never get to see each other now that you're studying for the medical school entrance test. I thought you could use a little break."

"Seriously though," Naoki massaged his temple, "you need to quit paying that much attention to other people's love lives and get one of your own."

Dylan scowled, "Well, I'd be able to do that if it wasn't for your mother."

"My mother?"

Dylan stood up suddenly. "Oh, look, here's our Racquet Warrior now!"

Kotoko ran up to them. "Naoki! I didn't know that you were going to show up!"

He smiled at her as he replied, "Well, Dylan-san promised me dinner, so I decided to join you."

"Goody! I'm starving!" she proclaimed.

Naoki cocked an eyebrow at Dylan. "I hope you brought your platinum card. Believe me, this girl can eat!"

* * *

"So what were you saying about my mother and your love life?" Naoki asked after their food order had arrived.

"Dylan-san!" Kotoko gasped.

"Oh my god, no, Kotoko!" Dylan waved his hands. "Put away whatever strange thoughts are running through your mind!" He took a healthy swallow of iced coffee.

"Well, you have our attention now." Naoki leaned his arms on the table. "You might as well continue."

"Your mother is relentless, did you know that?" Dylan glared at Naoki while pointing a fork at him.

He tried—unsuccessfully—to turn a grin into a grimace. "I'm quite aware. I've only been living with her all my life."

"Ever since she determined that I was no competitor for the fair Kotoko's favors, she has been contacting me non-stop."

"So, what exactly are you saying that your relationship with her is?" Naoki asked, covering his mouth with a napkin.

"Apparently I am now her gay best friend. Do you _know_ what that entails?"

The two shook their heads. "No idea," Naoki answered.

"Several times a week she comes into the office and whisks me away for lunch expeditions that last for _hours_. I have to work until late at night to make up the time. It's extremely difficult to refuse the boss's wife, you know."

Naoki rubbed his nose. "That's very unlike her. She usually lets Dad handle the Pandai work and she takes care of the home. Of course, that leaves her with entirely too much time on her hands, as the two of us can well attest." Kotoko nodded in agreement, mouth full of food.

"Exactly! And what do you think is the topic of conversation every single time we meet?" Dylan didn't wait for a response. "It's the wedding!"

Kotoko and Naoki stared at him blankly. "What wedding?" Kotoko asked after swallowing.

He snarled. "The one that you two are apparently dilly-dallying about deciding on! I've had to taste cake samples, sniff countless flowers, listen to bridal music, give my opinion on colors—!"

"What?!"

"She appears to be taking me on an extended tour of hell. I haven't yet decided in what circle I am currently." He rested his face on both hands.

Naoki leaned over and whispered, "Dante" to a confused Kotoko before saying, "Please accept my apology, for what it's worth."

Dylan raised his head and glared at him. "Dammit, I'm a marketing specialist, not a bridal event planner!" He pounded a fist to the table.

"Don't paraphrase a Trek line in front of Kotoko," Naoki told him. "She won't recognize it."

"Huh?" she responded as if on cue.

"See?"

"I'm at the point where I'm just about ready to ask for a transfer back to the L.A. office!" Dylan fumed. "I can handle those West Coast vipers just fine!"

"No!" Kotoko cried. "I don't want to do all these appearances if you're not around!"

"Why, thank you, darling." He managed a smile for her.

"They might make me do something weird!"

Naoki stared at her. "And being suspended from a crane with a Ninja Turtle and a Power Ranger while tossing out gift cards isn't defined as 'weird'?"

"I'm doing that?" They both nodded. "Well, if it's Dylan-san's idea, it must be wonderful, not weird."

"Of course, sweetie. All of my ideas are wonderful." He looked wearily at the two sitting across from him. "I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"You two obviously love each other. What's stopping you from getting married and putting me out of my misery?" He ended almost in a wail, hands tugging at his precision-cut, frosted tresses in exaggerated agony.

Naoki gave a humorless laugh. "Primarily because I'm not old enough to get married without permission. And if Mother gets involved, she will be all over it. Planning, plotting, pressuring…there will be no time whatsoever for school or for ourselves until the monstrous celebration is over and done with! And then for the next six months we'll have to look through the fourteen photo albums and watch the three commemorative DVDs."

"Yeah. That is massive." Dylan tapped his fingers on the table and then looked back. "I suppose it's the same for you too, right, Kotoko-darling?"

She grinned. "Pretty much, except I'm already twenty."

The tapping fingers stilled. "I thought you were the same age."

"I'm a couple months younger, but—" Naoki broke off and his eyes widened as Dylan leaned over the table, staring at him intently.

"How? Long?" he wheezed.

"Um, a week and a half. The twelfth."

"Yes, Obasama is having a birthday party for him that evening," Kotoko piped up.

Dylan pulled out his phone and began scrolling through the calendar. "Okay, we already have the Game Store event on that afternoon. Let me think…"

The other two looked at each other, shrugged, and decided to finish their meal. They jumped when Dylan slammed his hand to the table.

"Got it!" he crowed. "I'll use my 'special relationship' with your mother," he shuddered, "to help her plan the party and I'll volunteer to be responsible for the cake."

"You're jumping _into_ the snake pit?" Naoki queried, eyebrow raised. "I thought you wanted to get away from her."

"No, no. This will do it!" he insisted. "Both of you will meet me at the Ward Office on our way to the event and fill out your marriage registration. When we show up at the party afterwards," he grinned, "it won't be a birthday cake that I deliver, but a wedding cake!"

"Wait!"

"For what? You'll be of age, there will be no need for a blooming extravaganza, and _poof!_ I'll get my life back!"

"Have you forgotten that we're college students?!" Naoki lowered his voice when he realized their table was attracting attention. "How do you expect us to live on part-time work plus go to school?"

"Just move back in with your folks!" Dylan spread an explanatory hand across the table. "You have parents who are willing to pay for your college, house you, clothe you, feed you, _wash your dirty laundry, for crying out loud!_ I don't understand your reluctance."

"You mean besides the fact that we never had any privacy while living there?"

Dylan stared at him. "I thought Kotoko's room was originally designed as your marriage suite."

Naoki face-palmed. "Why did Mom think it was necessary to tell you that?"

"Listen, grasshopper," Dylan leaned on the table and pointed his finger at him, "it's known as a 'Do Not Disturb' sign hung on the doorknob. If that doesn't work, go to the hardware store and spend 1500 yen on a deadbolt!"

Kotoko and Naoki stared at each other.

"We could convert my old bedroom into an office and study for the two of us."

"There _is_ a private bathroom…"

"But that closet needs to be seriously rearranged to fit my clothes!"

Dylan clapped his hands. "See! Doesn't Uncle Dylan have the best—no, the most _wonderful!_ —ideas?"

Naoki grinned at him. "But do you realize what you have done?"

"Given you two lovebirds a Happily Ever After and freed myself from the Serpent of Setagaya?"

"You've done exactly what she wanted, 'Wedding Planner Dylan'. You'll forever be her 'gay best friend'!"

Dylan's "Aiiieeee!" echoed throughout the restaurant.

* * *

 **A/N:** I would like to thank everyone who has followed my Kotoko Volant series of stories. Every review, every follow, every favorite was greatly appreciated and gave me much encouragement. When I began writing last summer, I thought I only had one story in me, so the continuations (and unrelated stories) have both surprised and delighted me.

With this entry, the most important relationship issues have been resolved. Kotoko and Naoki have found mutual love, have decided on their careers, and have [almost] tied the knot. At the moment I have run out of ideas for this alternate universe, so for right now I placed the series on hiatus. That doesn't mean I won't revisit it. I'm planning to sit down and re-read the original, and I'm sure that these re-imagined characters will whisper in my ear, "That's not what _really_ happened..." (Confession: I already have a _scene_ , just not a _plot_ to go with it!)

Combine that with an upcoming busy personal schedule, and it may be awhile before anything new is posted.

Again, thank you all so much!


End file.
